Innocence Stolen, Freedom Gained...

Six weeks after my grandma passed away, my moms dad (whom I had never met), passed away unexpectedly. My mom made the decision to leave her abusive on again-off again boyfriend for the final time and moved us to Texas to live with her fathers widow. Within a 6 month period, we moved from San Diego to Washington to Texas. 

The move to Texas was a rough one and although there are a few good memories, the short time we lived there was filled with chaos, turmoil and instability. It was in Texas that I had my innocence stolen from me. 

Being a single mother, my mom was forced to find full time childcare for me during the summer months while she worked and went to school. There was a "family member" who offered to watch me since he was already watching his 2 year old grandson. The house they lived in was beautiful! It was right on the lake and they had a boat, there was a pool table and a big tv to watch movies on. I thought I was going to have the best summer ever, but I was so completely wrong. It was in that boat on that lake that I saw things a young girl should never see. It was on that big screen tv that I was forced to watch things a young girl should never watch. It was in that beautiful house that I was forced to do things a young girl should never do. What was supposed to be a child's dream summer wound up being the summer that would haunt my dreams for years to come. Not only had I just lost my grandma, but I ended up losing my innocence as well.

For 7 years, I didn't tell a soul what had happened to me that dreadful summer in Texas. It wasn't until a friend of mine in junior high had confided in me that she had been molested as a child, that I too had the courage to speak up and tell my story. I remember being so afraid to tell my mom, I didn't want her to make me "go back" and divulge the details of what I endured. She did contact the police in Texas, but because there was a statute of limitations that we had already passed, no legal action could be taken. I'm so thankful that was the case because the last thing I wanted was to have to go back to Texas and face my abuser. I just wanted to move on and be done with it all, but what I didn't realize was that I would one day have to deal with it because if I didn't, it was only going to wreak havoc on my life, my heart, my identity, my future relationships with men and especially with God. Needless to say, I chose to not deal with it and instead, took the extra long route that caused me way more pain and heartache in the end.

During a time where I was already grieving the loss of my grandma, the enemy came in and attacked. He knew I was already crushed, he knew I was fiercely independent and shy so I wasn't a talker, he knew I was withdrawn from my mother, he knew I had already been exposed to sex and abuse for years, he knew my father had abandoned me when my mom was pregnant, he knew all of the trials and all of the arrows that had already been thrown at me in the first 7 years of my life. He saw the perfect opportunity to destroy a young girls life, to try and thwart me from fulfilling the call God had on my life. While he did succeed at altering my path momentarily, ultimately God broke through and rescued me!

The enemy wanted me to feel shame, but God says there is no condemnation in Him
The enemy wanted to break me, but God has made me whole
The enemy wanted me to feel alone, but God has never left me or forsaken me
The enemy wanted me to feel isolated, but God says I belong to Him
The enemy wanted me to feel worthless, but God says I am more valuable than gold 
The enemy wanted me to feel disregarded, but God knows the number of hairs on my head
The enemy wanted me to feel abandoned, but God calls me one of His own
The enemy wanted me to feel ugly, but God says I am fearfully and wonderfully made
The enemy wanted me to feel dirty, but God has made me whiter than snow
The enemy wanted me to feel weak, but God has made me strong


Everything the enemy meant for harm, God has redeemed and turned around for His glory that I may live a life of purpose and freedom. God has placed people in my life that I've been able to come alongside and let them know that they're not alone, that I've been there, that I understand what they've experienced. And I'm able to show them that God can take our pain, our anger, our shame, and make something beautiful out of it. There is always purpose found within our pain if we can shift our focus to see that rainbow after the storm instead of just focusing on the damage that the storm has caused. Life is hard, it's messy, people hurt us and fail us and disappoint us, BUT God is faithful to hold us through it all and He will never leave your side! He will give you beauty for ashes! He will heal your broken heart! He will restore all that the enemy has stolen! He will fill you with hope and peace and joy! He will show you just how special and loved you really are! I say all of this with confidence because He did it for me and I know He will do the same for you if you allow him into your heart and into your life!

Comments

  1. De'on MillerJuly 6, 2017 at 9:38 AM

    Praise God that you are being set free. Thank you for sharing sweet girl!

    ReplyDelete

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