Heart for the Journey

Since day one, my grandma made a huge impact on my life. While I don't remember a lot of my childhood, she was always at the center of most of the good memories that I do have. My mom was young and my father has never been a part of my life, so my grandma helped raise me and she was my go-to for everything! My grandma had a thick French accent; she ate French bread and raw garlic along with a glass of Burgundy wine every night, she was a prankster with an amazing sense of humor, she was tough as nails and did things that most men wouldn't have the courage to do. She was a model and a professional dancer in her younger years, but she was also one of the first female firefighters for the Forestry Department. She may have been petite in size, but she had the biggest personality and a heart of gold! My grandma was every bit a lady with a tough and adventurous spirit that carried her through some really difficult life experiences. The love and security I felt when I was wit...

I don't remember a lot of my early childhood. I remember some good moments that usually revolved around my grandma, playing with friends or visiting family in San Diego, but a lot of the details and in depth memories just aren't there. What I do remember are distinct and pivotal moments that made a huge impact on my life, thought patterns and emotions, most of which were moments in time that brought me a lot of pain. The first memory I have isn't anything specific, but more of the atmosphere I was raised in. My mom was involved in an abusive and toxic relationship for about 5 years; I was 7 when she broke it off for the final time. I know my mom tried to shield me from a lot of the abuse she endured, but I do remember seeing him slam her head onto the front end of his truck one night. I think I witnessed a lot more than my mind will allow me to recall ad I'm okay with that. Until recently, I always assumed that witnessing abuse doesn't make you a victim of abus...