Heart for the Journey

 In my last post, I shared how difficult the past two years have been—two cross-country moves, loneliness, and challenges finding a church home. My struggle with faith hasn’t been about questioning God’s existence, but wrestling with the difference between what many American churches call “church” and what the Bible describes. I’ve been processing my experiences, beliefs, and teachings over the years, and I want to invite you into that unraveling—the places where I now see I may have been misled, not out of malice, but often because of different perspectives on Scripture. As a child and teenager, I attended a strong Bible-believing church that emphasized holiness, righteousness, and taking up your cross. While the foundation of those teachings was solid, the approach was harsh and doom-and-gloom focused. No matter what I did, I could never measure up. Eventually, I came to see much of church as rooted in works and legalism. Feeling I could never measure up—and compounded by relatio...

  Can I be honest?  These last 22 months have been   really  hard. I’ve shared bits and pieces here and there about the struggles I’ve faced since moving away from San Diego, but I think it’s time to give more context—and maybe make some sense of it all. I have this tendency to keep things bottled up or to only share a fraction of what I’m really going through with the people closest to me; I never want to feel like I’m dumping all my mess on someone. But I’ve reached a point where holding it in is no longer helping me. If I don’t let it out, it’s going to keep devouring me from the inside—messing with my mental and emotional health in ways I can’t afford to ignore anymore. As I’ve shared in previous posts, I’ve been in a season of “restructuring” my faith—really trying to figure out what I believe, what I’m looking for in a church community, and what red flags to watch for when stepping into a new space. But more than anything, I’ve been trying to understand   ...

  In my previous post, I shared a brief overview of what spiritual abuse can look like in a church, and how narcissistic leadership and a toxic honor culture can intensify an already unhealthy environment. I also shared a bit of my personal story. If you're interested in reading more about that, you can check out that post here . Stepping out of an unhealthy church can leave you feeling deeply unsettled. You may find yourself distrusting others — and even yourself — questioning whether what you're feeling is normal. Hurt, anger, bitterness, grief — let me reassure you: those feelings are completely valid. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. You should be able to trust your pastor and the leaders who serve the church. They’re called to be shepherds — to tend to and care for the flock. So when the very people who are meant to protect you are the ones who cause harm, it can shake you to your core. It’s not just a breach of trust; it’s a spiritual wound. And for ma...

  Over the past few years, we’ve seen more and more stories surface about churches and pastors caught up in scandals, abuse, or just deeply unhealthy leadership. And honestly? It’s heartbreaking—but not shocking. Just because someone calls themselves a pastor or ministry leader doesn’t mean they’re above making mistakes. No one is perfect. But I think a lot of us still carry the expectation that those who lead in God’s name will live with a deep sense of integrity and humility. And they should. If you’re stepping into a role where people are trusting you with their hearts, their stories, and their spiritual formation—you better be surrounding yourself with wise, grounded people who will call you out when needed, who speak the truth even when it’s uncomfortable. That’s true for all of us. We all need people in our lives who will challenge us in love, especially when we’re about to drift into something unhealthy. The truth is, a church can’t be healthy if its leaders aren’t first wil...