The day my world stopped spinning...

Since day one, my grandma made a huge impact on my life. While I don't remember a lot of my childhood, she was always at the center of most of the good memories that I do have. My mom was young and my father has never been a part of my life, so my grandma helped raise me and she was my go-to for everything!

My grandma had a thick French accent; she ate French bread and raw garlic along with a glass of Burgundy wine every night, she was a prankster with an amazing sense of humor, she was tough as nails and did things that most men wouldn't have the courage to do. She was a model and a professional dancer in her younger years, but she was also one of the first female firefighters for the Forestry Department. She may have been petite in size, but she had the biggest personality and a heart of gold! My grandma was every bit a lady with a tough and adventurous spirit that carried her through some really difficult life experiences.

The love and security I felt when I was with her was always what I needed, she brought peace to my otherwise chaotic childhood.

In 1986 my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer. She underwent surgery and endured horrific side effects from radiation therapy. I remember her being in extreme pain and discomfort; she had blisters in her mouth and all the way down her esophagus. While cancer treatment has improved dramatically, and even though today I feel there are better ways to eradicate cancer, in the 80's medicine just wasn't advanced enough and alternative healthcare wasn't really a thing back then. So she did what the doctors recommended and I'm pretty sure it was the treatment that destroyed her body more than the cancer itself. I watched as my adventurous full of life grandma deteriorated and became a shadow of a person, always exhausted, always in pain, but always with a smile on her face whenever I was around. In October we lost her best friend to cancer and less than 7 months later, my grandma lost her battle as well.

After my grandmas best friend had passed away, my mom and grandma decided to move to Washington from San Diego where my uncle lived at the time, so my grandma could spend her last days surrounded by her children and grandchildren. My moms on again-off again abusive boyfriend moved from Idaho to reunite with my mom as well. My grandmas health was deteriorating quickly and on a cold and rainy morning in May 1987, I watched as she took her last breath on this earth. My mom had been up with her all night, feeding her ice chips to cool the burning in her throat and read scriptures to her to bring peace and comfort. In the morning after I had woken up, my mom laid down to get some sleep and I was watching cartoons in the other room. My grandma had that "death rattle" and I could hear her breathing from the living room. As I was watching The Jetson's, I noticed that her breathing had gone silent. I walked into my bedroom to check on her and as I entered the room, she took her final breath. I rushed over to her, placed my head on her chest and realized that her heart was no longer beating. With tears streaming down my face, I woke my mom up and told her that grandma wasn't breathing anymore.


This was the day, the very moment my entire world stopped spinning. My grandma,  my best friend, my source of peace and love and happiness had died and my heart was crushed. I was never the same, forever changed.


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