2017, A year of restoration...

Last year at this time I was a complete wreck. It had been just about two months since my world collapsed around me and I was still hoping for reconciliation with my ex, even though he had betrayed me, deceived me, abandoned me, used me...how sad to look back and think that I would ever want to be with someone who treated me so poorly and definitely didn't deserve to have me in his life! 

I had been seeing a counselor/mentor during this time and she had given me action steps to start my journey towards healing and I was sticking to them. One of her steps was for me to regularly attend the women's ministry at my church and participate in her small group. I am so incredibly grateful for our women's ministry! The Movement (my home church) truly has a heart to see every woman walking in freedom and healing, knowing that she is loved and she belongs! I can't even express in words how much I have gained spiritually and emotionally since I committed myself to attending and getting plugged in. Every woman should have a safe space where she can be poured into and can pour into others as well. God did not create us to be reclusive beings, which I had become, but He created us for fellowship and relationship. Plugging in to a women's ministry, life group, ministry team, etc is vital to spiritual growth, emotional healing and really feeling like you are a part of the church community around you.

Last year our women's ministry put on an incredible Christmas program based around having an encounter with the heart of God. I attended with an expectant heart, but I was still so deeply wounded and I struggled to feel loved by God. That night God met me in a huge way and He began tearing down the walls around my heart that had been up for many many years. He gave me a word for the coming year and a scripture to carry me through...2017 was going to be a year of RESTORATION and He was going to give me beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3-4). I received amazing prayers, encouragement, direction, and I left that night feeling so loved by God despite the condition of my heart. 2017 has truly been a year of restoration! Piece by piece God began putting my life back together...He brought healing to deep rooted wounds, He took me through some difficult realities but He did so with love and gentleness, He returned to me my old bedroom, my temporary job became permanent, He even blessed me with a new TV after I had to sell mine to pay bills, He brought me friendships, He brought me a sense of purpose, He gave me the vision and the push to start my own business...I could go on and on. But more than anything though, He restored my self-worth and my identity! I know now who I am, who I belong to, who I was created to be, how loved I am, how worthy I am, how blessed I am! This year has had many difficulties and there have been days I wanted to give up, but pushing through those challenging times has produced strength and perseverance that I didn't think I possessed. Don't ever give up on your walk with Jesus! I promise you, a new day is coming, a brighter tomorrow is right around the corner and Jesus loves you so very much...He will never leave you or forsake you and He works all things together for our good, even when we don't understand the "why". 

Earlier this month I attended the 2017 Christmas program at my church and oh my goodness, did God show up in a huge way yet again! God was speaking to my heart the entire time and as I walked through the different aspects of the evening, He confirmed what He had previously spoken...it was beautiful how each piece was interwoven together and at the end of the night I walked out of church with my heart full of peace and hope for 2018. I even won a Lisa Bevere book that I've been wanting and I can't wait to dive into it after the holidays! My word for 2018 is ABUNDANCE and I'm excited to see how that manifests in my life over the coming year. 

The journey to healing and restoration is not an easy one. I was forced to face some pretty yucky things that I would have rather just kept buried deep down, but if I've learned anything in life, it's that unresolved issues and hurts always have a way of oozing to the surface until you choose to deal with them! I knew that in order for me to find healing deep within my heart and mind, I was going to have to face the dark and difficult memories and behaviors of my past. Part of my journey was to begin blogging and to not sugar coat or hide anything because full exposure brings light to those hidden areas, it brings truth, it brings healing. My story isn't meant to be swept under the rug, it's meant to be shared so others can see that they're not alone, that someone else has experienced difficult and painful trials and survived, and they too can find healing...as God has shown himself faithful and merciful to a sinner like me, He will do the same for you when you're willing to take His hand and begin your own journey to healing.

As we head into the new year, I'm open and expectant to seeing God move in my life in a new way. No longer is the manna of yesterday enough to satisfy us today, we need a new portion. I don't want to stay the same, I don't want the bread of yesterday, I don't want to be stagnant in my relationship with Jesus; I want to grow and change and become more like Him every single day. I know there are things He has asked me to do that I have been putting off for various reasons, but I can't expect him to move if I'm not willing to do what He's asked, so it's time to step up and do what He's asking of me. There are areas of my life that need more of my attention and there are things that I need to step away from...it's not always easy or fun to give up things or behaviors that we have grown accustomed to, but how can we expect to see growth if we are intent on staying comfortable? God will continue to challenge us in order to bring us into our destiny, but it's our choice to either obey Him or be disobedient and say no! The quicker we are to be obedient though, especially when it's uncomfortable, the quicker we will see our hearts and our lives transformed. God is looking for the one who will say "yes, Lord" no matter what He asks of us. All it takes is one...will you be that one?


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